House of Compassion
Have you ever walked past a vacant lot that didn’t look the greatest? Maybe it has some overgrown weeds, trash collected in a corner or against the fence, a bunch of random rocks, and the grass is dead in patches. There’s a gym shoe flung randomly, and some patches where nothing grows, just mud. (Admittedly, I always wonder if the second shoe is okay out there in the world. RIP other shoe.) And what do people do when they see these things? They pretend they don’t see it. It continues to waste away, to go ignored, to be left alone until it becomes a problem. And the longer that vacant lot was left alone enough to become a problem, the more effort it will take to restore it. And who are the ones that typically come in to restore the vacant lot? The other community members in that area who have homes on their lots, or more clearly, sturdy foundations.
On one hand, when a community comes together to clean up that vacant lot, they all have the ability to restore it to what it once was before. However, doing so would restore the lot back to square one. Right back to the place it started when overgrown weeds begin to return, trash collection against the fence happens again, the rain brings back the mud, and guess what? There’s another shoe, but this one came with a dirty sock.
On the other hand, when a community comes together to clean up that vacant lot and decide to make it look beautiful, plant flowers, water them, tend to the weeds, and ensure trash doesn’t collect again with more clothes, that lot begins the transformation. It begins to shine and reflect how the neighborhood looks. It’s no longer walked past and having people pretend they don’t see it, it no longer continues to waste away, it is no longer ignored by the people who own that lot for it to become a problem.
That once ugly vacant lot is now a reformed lot with a foundation to build anything on it. Whether that becomes a new house with rooms for love to grow, a playground for the community to raise their kids in joy, or a garden to give your tears and troubles back to the earth for it to grow something beautiful. That lot now has the foundation to become something. Something that will be full of compassion because compassion was shown to it.
I believe that each of us started as a vacant lot. Some were given a lot to move in on that had a foundation built, some were allowed to stay on the foundation that they were born into (though it needs extensive work done), some have been putting in tears and unseen hard work trying to tend to their lot and are doing the best they can. All of those lots have the ability to become something because there is compassion. Compassion to keep going for themselves to make it better. I want to make it clear, I know there are some who tend to their lot but keep it to themselves. I am in no position to judge them for doing that because that is their lot. But I want to challenge them and let them know they are keeping something so beautiful they built from being seen by others because what they built too has something to contribute.
And I also believe there are some who don’t care to tend to their lot. They repeat the cycle of being ignored, collecting trash, and now there’s a muddy sweatshirt and it’s the middle of summer? Our lots are a reflection of the compassion we have for ourselves. When we don’t put in the work showing compassion to ourselves, doing the reading, and understanding to make our mental life better, it shows we don’t care about how we contribute to the world because we don’t contribute to ourselves. And it is time for that to change. And change is never easy and one solution doesn’t fit all. But a solution must be provided.
Without compassion for ourselves, the foundation we are building on our lot has a max capacity of 0. And it is safe to say at this point, it shows and everyone sees it. Someone that identifies with this has probably been called a terrible person or had terrible endings to friendships. I know because I was there. My lot was so messy that who I am today would probably set a flame to it and run away screaming in fear.
When my lot was messy, I was a child then. A child with so much trauma that into college, my lot was just……..a cluster of old garbage to be quite honest with you. I hated the world and I would yell at (and tussle with) anyone that dared speak about my messy lot. I had no compassion for myself and yes, self-harm and suicidal attempts were there. But then I met an advisor in college who helped me become an adult, probably one of the smartest Black women I’ve ever met. She was the first person to ever grab my hand and pull me outside of my lot and say “look at it”. And it was done in the most compassionate way because no one has ever told me that based on what I’ve been through and where I’ve come from doesn’t need to serve a purpose today. She allowed me to cry in front of her, to release the garbage that collected on my lot, and helped me see I needed to clean it up.
And since then, adult me has done and is doing the work. So much work that I can say no one in the last 11 years of my life can say I was a terrible person. I cleaned the hell out of my lot because she helped me remove that first piece of garbage. Myself. I was able to see there were people I allowed on my lot that were dumping their garbage off and going back to theirs looking pretty. But no more. I learned my lot is going to be the best lot there is so others can come and find what a healthy foundation can look like.
Through therapy and self work, I have become an adult in mind and compassion. I have been able to see that the reflection of my lot was a reflection of the world around me. And I believe that is a thought everyone could benefit from. Regardless of where you are in the world, we are all in the same cosmic neighborhood, just living on different streets. But just because your lot isn’t on my street doesn’t mean I shouldn’t care if it is stable or not. I 100% care because my foundation for compassion has a max capacity of unlimited because every person is a reflection of me in some way. And some reflections need to be shattered because what they reflect doesn’t serve a purpose.
When you’ve worked on building your own foundation and ensuring it is steady, you have the capacity to spread your compassion. Show others the foundation you created so they too can go back to their lot and begin cleaning it up. BUT always be mindful of who is leaving garbage on your lot. Just because you let someone in to visit doesn’t mean their property should be left behind when they leave. If their property serves you no positive purpose, you can either give it back to them respectfully or toss it out when they leave.
Compassion does NOT mean allowing others to take advantage of you. Compassion means being able to have sympathy and concern for the sufferings and misfortunes of others.
There is a TON of terrible things happening in the world right now, and it is 100% okay to have compassion for the suffering that is happening. But please remember you don’t need to hang a picture of every bad event that is happening inside the foundation you’ve built on your lot. Some things are meant to be displayed on your lot like the things you are super passionate about that shows your compassion. But then there are some things we take to the giant neighborhood bulletin board where we can leave it and not allow it to take up room in our foundation.
A person ranting about a Cracker Barrel being shut down (good, they should be), should not be a picture hanging inside your foundation and given attention to. That’s on the community bulletin board. Walk past and laugh at it. Why hang that up in your space.
But someone being mad about the injustices being done against Black people in America is something that 100% should be displayed on your foundation because you let people know your foundation is safe for them to walk on.
I love to challenge myself because I find growth in challenging my thoughts and beliefs. Even if my opinion doesn’t change, I was able to look at another perspective and then make a determination. So I’ve chosen to suit up my compassion with some armor and pew pews (I hate pew pews so much 😫) and I’m running all over the neighborhood sharing my compassion with those that need it and showing my compassion to those that don’t deserve it. And please note, showing compassion and sharing compassion are two different things.
All that to say, build a foundation with compassion and always show compassion with others everywhere you go as your lot is a reflection of the entire neighborhood we live in together.
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